02 July 2009

hello, julyy!

wuoww. it's july already! time flies :p hehh. summer's been summer :] i think we're finally getting somewhere with homecoming! i just hope they decide the choreographers soon so we can start dance tryoutss. OHOH!& i'm going to HONG KONG this december with my cousin! aeeiii. i cantcantcant wait. hk's fashion is a m a z i n g. i'm seroiusly going to go crazy with shoppingg. hehe. and bags and shoes! especially shoes; since i'm blessed with size 5 (women's; kids size three) feet speaking of feet... i overheard this conversation while i was volunteering @ the library.

26 June 2009

because i♥u very cherry much

i lahvadabahahamamapapagaga yoou!

click? :)

23 June 2009

whoever told you that life was fair should be shot

Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning, everything will be made clean again; and even the most troubling stains will have disappeared, like the doubts over his innocence or the consequence of his mistake; or the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So we wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away."

depression, loneliness, and heartache. we've all gone through it despite how our definitions all differ by various degrees. for some of is, it's merely rejection; the feelings we have towards another that simply isn't returned. in other occasions, it may be a case of betrayal; being lied to by someone we trusted; having to accept situations we never anticipated; or being let down by someone we held high aspirations for. or the unlucky ones who suffer from this condition chronically, a disease which comes but never goes, forever to plague each step we make and every breath we take. a state of constant unhappiness acquired from being misunderstood, unappreciated, or simply put: broken. but not only is our perception of this affliction different from one anothers, what also varies greatly is how we go about dealing with it. so where exactly am i going with this? well, i'm glad you asked.

to whom it may concern; stop being a drama queen and just suck it up and shove it up your sissy ass. you think you have it so bad? well here's a wake up call for you, honeycakes. your supposed "love life" is nonexistent, i don't know what you think you're getting at by dramatizing it. if something so tragically insignificant like that can tear you apart and leave you "heartbroken", pray tell how you plan on surviving in the future. you think you have family problems because your parents yell at eachother? well hello, hello. i've been beaten and thrown out of home at midnight. my parents have threatened to take me to nebraska and leave me there, thanks to the "safe haven" law. i know people who's parents tell them every day that they aren't wanted, parents that have been prescribed antidepressants who have had the police called on them. not basking in your self-pity anymore are you now? good. because you just about have no right to. oh, and about your love life? i've been lied to and screwed over. and the one guy who didn't do that, i took for granted and proceeded to throw away for another who ended up lying to me yet again. oh, but that's nothing compared to this; my mom has a friend who really took the cake. she got married, and had a child. later, her husband was arrested for business fraud. but she loved him so much, she was willing to stay with him through it all, the mortages, the debts, the jailtime, and going to court. and then they worked it out and lived happily ever after. oh no no, instead he ends up cheating on her and filing for divorce; and she ends up being a single mother who works three jobs to barely support herself, her child, and her mother. and you think your life's over because guy you like doesn't feel the same way and it's awkward being friends. BIG WHOOP, sweetie, and welcome to life. nobody's saying that you aren't allowed to be sad, but what's this about making a hugeass deal out of the most negligible happenings? so please, do me a favor and grow the fuck up.

22 June 2009

damned if you do, damned if you don't

we went out to eat for father's day yesterday, and being true to our roots, at a chinese restaurant. afterwards, we got fortune cookies. how authentic, huh? (sarcasm) so mine said "the only ones who never fail are those who never try"; and now i'm wondering, isn't it also true that the only ones who never succeed are those who never try?

15 June 2009

tastes like summer

some pictures are worth a thousand words.
woahh; i haven't blogged in a while. but the past week has been supercalifragelisticexpealidocious, and i hadn't found time to write about it, until now! :]
» monday june 8; i got the yearbook! :) like z0mg it wuz so awes0m3!!11eleven it wasn't quite so impressive- could've been better. went to chipotle for lunch and red mango afterwards with gloria, angela, emily, annie, kelly, evelyn, and jocelyn. i do not like dogs very much at all TT^TT;;
» wednesday june 10; walked to safeway and subway with michelle, shany, and eileen. library volunteer orientation afterwards with madd, candace, and carrina.
» thursday june 11 (last day of school!) going to frankie, johnny, and luigi's (this italian restaurant) for lunch with tiffani, madd, michelle, candace, anika, alexandra, carrina, eileen, and amanda. then amc to watch UP (even though tiffani, alexandra, eileen and i ended up ditching it); & sleepover at candaces which was super funn. we played cranium (LOL carrina's cupid!), i've never, truthordare, truthortruth, prank calling!, watched friends, and ate a lott.
» friday june 12; left candaces house and had breakfast at quizno's and walked to rainbow park for the homecoming meeting. i signed up for girl's and couple's dance, and voicing & decorationss. afterwards, went to yogurtland with tiffani, and miller's grad afterwards!
» saturday june 13; badminton lesson! i'm still crazy sore from doing lunges and froggie jumps. the running and pushups weren't that bad. let's hope this pays off? and ikea afterwards, since my parents want to do some remodeling which buying new furniture seems to be a part of.
» sunday june 14; vbs (vacation bible school) meeting at 1, since i'm volunteering. apparently, i'm a counselor, got put on the crafts team, AND i'm part of the audio/visual team too. did i mention that all the meetings go on at the same time? hello, organization. then i had art class for four hours.
» and today; first day of vbs- i had to get up at 7:30 am; wasn't so psyched about it.

05 June 2009

with a thousand words to say but one

Life is a journey one that is much better traveled with a companion by our side. Sometimes, we lose our companions along the way and then the journey becomes unbearable. You see, human beings are designed for many things, but loneliness certainly isn't one of them."

i don't know if i can do this; so tell me will it be worth it to stay?
i've been there waiting for so long, but now it's all slipping away.
i could pour my soul out to you, but that won't get us anywhere,
i've done everything that i possibly can, just to show you how much i care.
but i can't lie to you; i can't be someone who i'm not;
it seems no matter how hard i try, this is just something i haven't got.
so many times i've stumbled on the words that i've wanted to say;
all the while that i should've let my heart explain.
so many ways spoken words could be twisted around;
even more times have idle hopes come crashing down.

02 June 2009

eloquently put

if you please, i would rather be alone, than have the world around you judge me.
so i've got my life together, but it's only half of what it should be.
can't you see, i've got a perfect explanation but i keep it deep inside of me.
pardon me, but if you really want to know, well then you'd better learn to trust me.
paint the perfect picture, but these pictures are deceiving.
cause the colours lost their place, and they're dripping down and bleeding.
and they're running and running away, packed it up and leaving.
and these dreams turn to nightmares, like a promise with no meaning.

31 May 2009

the older we get, the more mature we become

30 May 2009

next time, don't forget the fine print

their words tasted of a bittersweet temptation,
burnt and bled to sheer perfection.
insecure, vulnerable, empty and naive,
you can't stop the tears from staining your cheek.
paralyzed with fear, oh, have you finally broken?
you try to speak up, but the thoughts you harbor remain unspoken.
you can't escape, there's nowhere left to hide,
if only you had the option, you would never have cried.
you're constantly struggling yet still desperately trying,
though this rate of decline appears to be rather alarming.
someone once told you to proceed with caution,
for a happy ending merely exists only in fiction.
well, did you listen? no, i believe not.
it's nobody else's fault that you simply forgot.
can you not pick yourself back up after just that one incident?
after all, there's only yourself to blame for not reading the fine print.

27 May 2009

would you be inclined to notice or will you just pretend?


"we've all got scars, as big as ours, a token for the pain we hide inside of us."
it's odd, when you can go through life for a few days, just fine, doing things that you love to do, keeping yourself busy with productive activities, indulged in happy thoughts, surrounded by people you love. and then BAMM. depression finds you and before you can even realize what had hit you. it feels as if all the progress you had made has come undone. i've definitely had my share of those days, running and hiding from everything that i didn't want to deal with. i wanted nothing more than to be happy, i didn't want to cry. i told myself that i couldn't, that i wasn't supposed to, that if i did i'd be weak, vulnerable. oh, but i did. and unreasonably more than i ever should've.

i hated the people who could always get under my skin, who were able to find their way around all the walls of defense that i had built. but those were the people who were always there, who helped me find the courage to love, obtain the ability to take chances; they helped me through the days where i had let emotions override common sense alongside going through another symptom: "why me? what did i do to deserve this?" and every other form of self pity that you can imagine. those months that i wasted so much time bargaining with myself. those people were the ones who help on, as i eventually regained some perspective. through all of it, from becoming hard, cold, and emotionless to the moment where i just shut down. gradually, i found myself being able to cope, not dwelling in the negative anymore.

i've come to realize that life will never be perfect, but i choose to focus on the good. frustration still exists, but i won't let it consume me. i've been broken once, twice, i don't even know how many times anymore. but it's not going to happen anymore; i've grown as a person, and i have the scars to prove it. they'll always be there, as evidence that indeed, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. i'm now able to look back upon all the misfortunes, adversities, or failures in my life and appreciate it, because it's definitely taught me more than just a thing or two. that chapter of my life is over, and i feel no need to rewrite it. it's time to move on; i'll take the lessons that i've learned and the mistakes that i won't repeat with me and incorporate them into the present, as well as the future. for so long i've drowned in lies that i told myself, one after another, but now i'm genuinely happy. i'm saying goodbye to hopelessness, no longer will it bring me down and tear apart everything that i've done and worked for.

though i'll admit, i lied. i'm not the person i just described ...yet. i haven't even been through so much; well, i have, but not enough to be so positive that i'll never break again and completely sure that i'll be able to maintain this positive outlook towards life. but this i can say: whatever comes my way, i know i'll be able to get through and survive. it's all a matter of perspective.

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